So let me give you the scenario - I read that a lot of women swear by tummy control pants and wondered what all of the fuss was about so I ordered a pair from a well-known high street online shop. I ordered size 8 to be completely honest I really didn't need them I have always been petite but I got it into my head that i needed some! I wanted to wear a dress to my partners football presentation evening (sounds glam doesn't it but it was just in the pub which we run, people sometimes expect you to make an effort and with being a village WAG it would be rude not to!)
I haven't got the greatest self-confidence and people are always lovely to me and tell me I look nice but I never believe them and I always buy clothes but never think I can wear them so chicken out!
I thought maybe these miracle pants would boost my confidence, the only time I have ever had boobs was when I was pregnant and breastfeeding, without the good old gel bras I would be lost! So I didn't want any extra bumps and lumps.
I remember putting Tillie to bed, I could hear everyone walking in to the pub (if you weren't already aware, I live above the pub we run) I got the pants out of the wrapper looking at them and thinking 'WOAH they don't look very big', I had shower and put some instant fake tan on I then attempted to put the pants on.
I honestly couldn't get one of the holes above my knee, I was really confused I thought I must be doing something wrong, I tried the other way round, I still couldn’t get one leg through let alone two! By this time i was laid on the bed trying to yank these pants on, there was no way they were going to fit me, I managed to squeeze my other foot into the hole and was really out of breathe trying to pull them on, my mum had never told me it would be hard work nor had I read they were a pain to put on. I was not going to give in! I stood back up and managed to get them to my thighs, they were really cutting in and my thighs were bright red.
I was waddling round the room as I was in the predicament of -do i take them off and just get dressed or do I not give in and have a perfectly smooth tummy as these were certainly tight they would do their job, the challenge was now they were over my thighs how the hell would i get them over my hips. They were literally stuck around my bum I couldn't see any way of getting them up ....or down for that matter, my legs were beginning to turn purple, I thought I was being silly so gave one last gigantic pull and managed to pull them all the way up! I am not exaggerating when I say it took me at least 20 minutes to even get the blooming things on.
Oh wait..... my legs are purple, I was struggling to breathe they certainly controlled my stomach however I really never had a tummy in the first place but had somehow developed a little pouch which was pushed above the top of the pants! I have no idea where it came from as it isn’t there any of the other time my skin was being stretched more than when was pregnant, it felt like my insides were being squashed, I thought I couldn't handle it anymore I had to get them off I realised (DOH!) that maybe this isn't how they should be but being a naive wannabe yummy mummy wag I wanted to look good.
The problem was, I couldn't get them down, they had nearly moulded to my skin, I txt my partner but he didn't get the message, I ended up ringing my niece who was on her way to the pub to tell her to grab my mum who works in the pub kitchen and to come up quickly. Mum walked up the stairs to me crying with laughter saying "HELP mum I'm stuck in my pants they seriously won’t come off" she didn't believe me she thought I was being dramatic, she was laughing her head off but then saw how purple my legs were going round the thighs and tried yanking them off, she couldn't believe I had bought them in the first place! They were completely stuck, she still says she has no idea how i managed to get them on in the first place, I was begging her to get the scissors, but she said "no way they cost you £16" - they could have cost me £300 I wanted them off and quickly but she insisted, I was clinging on to the wardrobe as she was trying to yank them, it took us about 15 minutes and after a small rip they were off.
Let's just say i was the butt of people's jokes that night!
I haven't got the greatest self-confidence and people are always lovely to me and tell me I look nice but I never believe them and I always buy clothes but never think I can wear them so chicken out!
I thought maybe these miracle pants would boost my confidence, the only time I have ever had boobs was when I was pregnant and breastfeeding, without the good old gel bras I would be lost! So I didn't want any extra bumps and lumps.
I remember putting Tillie to bed, I could hear everyone walking in to the pub (if you weren't already aware, I live above the pub we run) I got the pants out of the wrapper looking at them and thinking 'WOAH they don't look very big', I had shower and put some instant fake tan on I then attempted to put the pants on.
I honestly couldn't get one of the holes above my knee, I was really confused I thought I must be doing something wrong, I tried the other way round, I still couldn’t get one leg through let alone two! By this time i was laid on the bed trying to yank these pants on, there was no way they were going to fit me, I managed to squeeze my other foot into the hole and was really out of breathe trying to pull them on, my mum had never told me it would be hard work nor had I read they were a pain to put on. I was not going to give in! I stood back up and managed to get them to my thighs, they were really cutting in and my thighs were bright red.
I was waddling round the room as I was in the predicament of -do i take them off and just get dressed or do I not give in and have a perfectly smooth tummy as these were certainly tight they would do their job, the challenge was now they were over my thighs how the hell would i get them over my hips. They were literally stuck around my bum I couldn't see any way of getting them up ....or down for that matter, my legs were beginning to turn purple, I thought I was being silly so gave one last gigantic pull and managed to pull them all the way up! I am not exaggerating when I say it took me at least 20 minutes to even get the blooming things on.
Oh wait..... my legs are purple, I was struggling to breathe they certainly controlled my stomach however I really never had a tummy in the first place but had somehow developed a little pouch which was pushed above the top of the pants! I have no idea where it came from as it isn’t there any of the other time my skin was being stretched more than when was pregnant, it felt like my insides were being squashed, I thought I couldn't handle it anymore I had to get them off I realised (DOH!) that maybe this isn't how they should be but being a naive wannabe yummy mummy wag I wanted to look good.
The problem was, I couldn't get them down, they had nearly moulded to my skin, I txt my partner but he didn't get the message, I ended up ringing my niece who was on her way to the pub to tell her to grab my mum who works in the pub kitchen and to come up quickly. Mum walked up the stairs to me crying with laughter saying "HELP mum I'm stuck in my pants they seriously won’t come off" she didn't believe me she thought I was being dramatic, she was laughing her head off but then saw how purple my legs were going round the thighs and tried yanking them off, she couldn't believe I had bought them in the first place! They were completely stuck, she still says she has no idea how i managed to get them on in the first place, I was begging her to get the scissors, but she said "no way they cost you £16" - they could have cost me £300 I wanted them off and quickly but she insisted, I was clinging on to the wardrobe as she was trying to yank them, it took us about 15 minutes and after a small rip they were off.
Let's just say i was the butt of people's jokes that night!
Haha now that made me laugh! The pain we go through to look 'good' lol
ReplyDeleteWish I could of seen it for myself, only thing is I would of needed a new pair of pants as I would of peed myself laughing x
ReplyDeleteHilarious post. I've watched (out of the corner of my eye, obviously) as my wife has had similar struggles. But no matter how much I tell her how fab she looks without artificial cince and tuck garments - lumps, bumps and all - she still insists on having the Battle of the Pants. I've never understood why women strive for 'perfection; so much when we men just love you the way you are.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience with a pair of tummy-control G string pants. They don't pull in your tummy. Instead they act as butt-floss. Not pleasant in any way...!
ReplyDelete