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Fake Tan and an old Lady stuck on a roof, holiday memories!

What a lovely few days of sunshine we have had and even better the fact that my solar urticaria has stayed away! I can never do anything normal! I don't just get urticaria I have to have the one where it looks like im a dinosaur and then feel really poorly with it! (Going abroad is a big no no!)

I was about to write a review of a farm we took Tillie to on Tuesday, but writing about the sun reminded me of the first holiday away with Nick, we went to Majorca.

I researched online (like I do with everything! I HAVE to find the best bargain!) any way I eventually contacted a local travel company and after them sending me lots of hotels to look at, I decided to pick the only 4* hotel which looked beautiful and ticked all the boxes, it was by the beach, had a pool, was a few minutes’ walk from the town (which turned out to be magaluf! ARGHH but we hadn't got Tillie then so it wasn't a problem), all inclusive, English speaking, sea view room - sorted!

I am a redhead so naturally very fair and very sensitive to the sun, I knew there was no way that I would ever tan and didn't want people to stare so I decided to get a spray tan, nails done, eyebrows dyed (oh my word why would I do that!!!) - I literally looked like an orange blob, an orange blob that someone had drawn a line around in Tipex where the sexy spray tan pants had been, my eyebrows also blistered because it turns out that I was allergic to the dye - so as you can imagine I looking good!

Everyone burst out laughing when they saw how orange I was; luckily of course it calmed down the next day after I had a shower, however my eyebrows didn't! We had ordered a taxi to the airport, I am not very brave when it comes to traveling on an aeroplane - in fact I am actually terrified! We got picked up about 3am and the driver was lovely, I chat none stop to anyone and it turns out he liked to talk as much as I did, when I asked him about his previous jobs, he informed me that he had been an Air Hostess (host? hostess?)- well what a mistake, he told me about all the near misses he had had, all the things that had gone wrong, etc.....
I was no longer orange I could feel myself turning a funny shade of green, I really wasn't looking forward to the flight, Nick couldn't believe I had asked him when I am so scared of flying!

As we checked in, I noticed that people kept staring! Nick reminded me that people are usually very tanned on their way home not before they go especially not 'gingers'!
We got there fine, we were on a bus with a number of characters which looked like they belonged on 'Benidorm' and every hotel the bus stopped we hoped wasn't ours! We were last stop, hotel looked fantastic we were very happy - fabulous inside, we couldn't wait to see our sea view room!
Well our sea view room looked out over the back yard and on to the skips, the room was awful we were not impressed, we complained as the sea was the opposite side of the hotel! The next day we were moved and the room was lovely - ahhh time to relax!
Nick loves going swimming and I promised him that I would go in the pool and sea as he knows i am not keen....what i didn't realise is that there was a chance that my fake tan could turn green so decided not to go in until the tan had worn off a little bit.

We were sat sipping cocktails out of plastic cups! They don't do that in the movies! We were chilling on the sun loungers, we couldn't hear any other English speaking holiday makers, they were all Dutch or Spanish, then with that this guy walked right in front of us with a CD player and we realised we were sat right near the performing area, they sang this really annoying song and kept trying to get us to join in, we hadn't got a clue what they were saying as it was in Spanish so we just looked uncomfortable and kept pretending we were asleep.
The food was AWFUL we couldn't read the signs so had no idea what we were putting on our plates, we aren't fussy eaters but we do like to know what we are eating, luckily there was a nice pizzeria a few minutes away so we ate there nearly every day!

We were still wondering where the English people were, then a bus pulled straight away we knew they were English, just not the type we expected to be in our hotel from the description - we then realised we were in a SAGA hotel! Full of elderly!

I remember one day it was ridiculously hot, if you look at the photograph you will see it is a pretty tall building and when you are sat lounging around the pool you can look up and see people sat their balconies - I could hear someone shouting, I wondered why no one else was looking, Nick could hear it too and was also confused as to why no one else was even looking up! We saw an elderly lady who had obviously gone for a little nosy round the hotel and took a wrong turning, got lost and ended up on the very top of the building right on the roof! She was stood shouting "HELP HELP" but not one other person looked, we couldn't believe it. People were even on the balcony below but they chose to ignore this poor old dear frying in the heat! I told Nick to and tell someone on reception, but the language barrier wasn't very helpful, I don't think they really understood "look mate there’s an old dear on your roof, i am not kidding she is stood shouting but no one else is looking up" - This poor old lady got that desperate to get someone's attention that she threw something from the roof it just missed a little girl's head - STILL NO ONE LOOKED UP, and they all carried on as if they were oblivious to the whole situation! Nick came back and said he wasn't sure if they believed him, but a few minutes later she was saved - bless her!

We did have a nice relaxing time; I was just getting very blotchy with the urticaria and from the fake tan wearing off! I got even more stares at the airport on the way back, the same people were on the flight home - Nick reminded me that most people come home tanned not pale - I had done it in reverse he he.


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