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Were you proud of your bump?

As you may already be aware we run a pub, so every body knows your business whether you like it or not but they are all kind and mean well in their own special way! (I haven't always felt like that!)

I wanted to keep my pregnancy quiet for as long as I could. However having four wonderful sisters I couldn't help but tell them and start talking names, clothing, nursery ideas etc....We all got carried away chatting and by the time I was 10 weeks pregnant we were at a family party and mum couldn't wait to tell people! So by the time we left everyone knew which then meant the next day nearly everyone in the village knew.

I have always been very petite and a small size 8 so to see my body change because I had a baby bean growing inside me was very exciting, I was very proud and looked forward to reading how my bean was growing each week.

I remember laughing when I bought some maternity trousers I put them on to show my sister and they fell straight down, I never though I would ever fill them as they were HUGE but by 7 months I struggled to get in them.

It was nice in a lot of ways that I got to share my pregnancy with customers.....My bump was all out front, you couldn't tell I was pregnant from behind right up until giving birth. I remember one day I was writing on the pub black board outside, we live opposite a shop, there were a couple of young guys getting out of their van and it was a summers day, I had a black dress on but my back was to them - they wolf whistled then one said "can I have your number?" when i turned around and he saw this huge bump he jumped in his van and sped off! I found this highly amusing.

I remember things started to change when I was about 20 weeks pregnant, I started getting comments from people calling me "fat".

The one comment that I will never ever forget was an old man who was in his seventies he walked over to me at the bar and said
"I need to tell you something ....you've gone from being a beautiful girl with a stunning figure.....to that! Not only have you got a bump out the front of you you have a big one at the back now too"

I was utterly gobsmacked I was so so hurt and tried to laugh it off but inside I was absolutely gutted. How dare he comment on the way I looked, who did he think he was! What gave him the right.
The thing was at that time I wasn't even in maternity clothes I was just wearing size 10 trousers!

Things really started getting me down, I did anything I could to get out of serving behind the bar, I used to hide in the kitchen of the pub or sneak through the other side of the bar and try not to talk to anyone, unless my favourite customer 'My Roy' was in. He was the nicest man anyone could ever wish to meet, unfortunately he passed away in October 2010, but he always called me 'Smiler' and I could tell he was worried about me and was really upset to think that people could say such awful things, he always told me I looked lovely and I knew he meant it. A hug from him always cheered me up and I miss those hugs so much!

I lost so much confidence, this was the time when I should be have been proud and should have been looking forward to being a mummy but all I could think was- do i really look that hideous? How can people call me fat when I have a baby growing inside me! This is an amazing thing, how dare people ruin it!

Nick my partner has always been supportive and he said I didn't look much different to him (typical man hehe), I got to the stage where I didn't want to go out to any parties, I used any excuse I could find to go to bed early so I didn't have to see people, I really was so concious about my appearance and what people would say.

I just couldn't rise above it no matter how hard I tried. We even barred one man who just called me "fat" none stop one night. I couldn't believe how nasty people could be.

My regular customers who I know really well were fantastic, it was when there were people in who didn't use the pub regularly who often said things that upset me, but I never let them know it did. I just smiled then ran and hid again.
To be honest looking back at a few of the comments were probably just in jest and me being a bit over sensitive but once you have had your confidence knocked it is hard to rebuild it.
I remember spending a fortune on maternity clothing I never ever wore anything tight so it wasn't as if I was even flaunting my bump.

One of my relations came in for a meal and said "Come here fatty" I was really angry at that and struggled to bite my tongue, but again I just hid away in the kitchen. I think having a slightly complicated painful pregnancy didn't help much either as I was drained and in pain so very tearful.

If it happened again I would have a completely different outlook as my opinions have changed since having Tillie and if I am not happy with a comment from people now, I just tell them! I just wish I hadn't let silly comments get me down.

Have you ever experienced anything similar?

Comments

  1. Even if those comments were in jest, they were totally inappropriate. For some reason, it's considered acceptable to treat women's bodies as communal property and this is just as true of pregnant bodies. Everyone feels they have the right to comment and that you don't have the right to take offence. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Actually, everyone I've come into contact with has been rather celebratory of my bump. My brother has said things like, "You're huge" but he's my brother and I can give him as good as I get. My own relationship with my changing figure has been quite up and down but, all in all, I love the fact that the world can see that I'm growing a baby. In fact, I've probably never felt this secure with my body. But ah well, now you've got lovely Tillie!

    ReplyDelete
  2. When I was pregnant, I used to get comments like 'You've let yourself go.'! I was so angry when people said that, I hadn't 'let myself go' at all, I just had a bump! Some people are just so rude! Maybe they were jealous...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh bless you. You'll glide through a 2nd pregnancy and tell them all where to shove it
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. When u commented on my blog, when I clicked on you it took me to a "profile not available" screen instead of to your blog. Do u know it does that?
    Liska x

    ReplyDelete

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