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Why my little girl is so clingy

With running a pub I knew that it would be a bit of a juggle, but I have always had such a weak immune system I was determined to try and breastfeed Tillie to give her the 'best start in life' plus I did feel slightly pressured into it at hospital - after the awful childbirth she was almost 'plonked' on me whilst I was semi unconscious and I literally was drifting in and out due to a big blood loss, I had no idea where I was or what I was doing and didn't have any other option. I thought that if I did breastfeed then she would be more 'mine' as running the pub I had a feeling that I would have to pass her around more if she was bottle fed as 'anyone can do it' I just wanted everything to be perfect and to spend as much time with her as possible and share those special moments.

As you might have read in my previous posts Tillie was born with laryngomalacia, from about 6 weeks old she got very distressed if she was passed to anyone other than her daddy, my mum or me. I then researched about the condition and it confirmed that if your baby cried then their breathing would get louder which it certainly did which was then scary for me and resulted in Tillie choking and struggling some of the time to breathe.
My solution....stop passing her around to other people - that way she was happy and it helped her breathing.

I stopped breastfeeding when Tillie was 3 months old due to her being lactose intolerant, but this made no difference as I still fed her at every feed due to Nick working in the pub, I daren't let her go to anyone else because of crying, plus my mum was mostly at the pub due to her being the cook in the kitchen so I have always done everything for Tillie at night, feeds, baths etc.....that is just the way it has always been due to running the pub.

Tillie started going to my mums from 2pm - 5pm on a Wednesday from her being 13 weeks old; however after 2 hours apart she would start to cry so we would dash round to stop her crying so it didn't affect her breathing (mum only lives a minute away). People say 'you should let her cry' but they haven't got a child with laryngomalacia they have no idea how scary it is and I would never have her upset or leave my mum in a situation where potentially Tillie could have stopped breathing.

Tillie really didn't like people as she was getting older, she got frustrated if they even spoke to her and just wanted me, even my sisters who I am extremely close to and see nearly every day cannot hold her or take her out for a walk, she will not let me be out of her sight unless her daddy or nanna are in view.

She is just beginning to get slightly better and will talk to people if we are out and about an occasionally goes up to certain customers or family members to say hello now, but after 5 minutes she is crying looking for me.

I really don't know what to do, she is quite happy with my mum now and will happily play there if we have to nip out, but if someone mentions my name she is crying for me she sometimes won't go to her daddy or nanna and just wants "mummy".

The thought of ever having to send her to nursery or a child-minder makes me feel so ill - i honestly couldn’t do it to her (or me!) that is why I am pleased we have the pub, but I hardly work in it anymore due to tiredness from lack of sleep.

If you have had similar experiences or could give me some helpful suggestions/ solutions I would be very interested in hearing them.


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